(I feel a hidden struggling message of Ms. Shibata who was raised as a foster-girl. I hear her say..something like "I just can't lead my own life as I am supposed to....while I keep my eyes off the reality". By the way, she's gonna start her dacco (cuddling/hugging infants) routine shortly at the exact same infant home where she was accommodated up to two years old. I hope she'll heal children or she'll be healed vice versa..... I wish she can eventually reconcile with her past even if it may not turn out to be an ideal one. I pray that she could set sail seemingly her own life forward by possibly accepting her foster-parents ......the very love they were desparate to try to share with Ms. Shibata.)
Even I was not allowed to see my real parents, I still wanted to see my real brothers if there were blood-related people exist in this world.
My foster mother, however, didn't like this idea. According to her perspective, blood relation is said to be extremely strong. She described that it makes things understood instantly at the very moment when I first meet them. The foster mother feared that the existence of the brothers may turn out to be more important for Ms. Sasaki than my foster-parents. Thus, I never met my siblings up to this day.
My strong desire for the blood relation has now been traumatized in two extremes, i.e. envy and fear. This may have been a reason that I couldn't consider having a baby. I was under the impression for quite some time that I would be either doting my baby or play a domestic violence. Furthermore, I had a sense of giving up on "family bonding", and I still recall when it occured in my infantile unconscious mind such as " fear of myself being abandoned....Therefore, my marrige didn't work out.....THAT IS WHY... I needed an announcement of me being a foster-girl when I was a very young child.
Though we may be a little different type of family, it would have been rather better for us to understand our mutual love by trying to grasp it together. Since we are surely different from ordinary others anyway.
We all seek for happiness upon any foster-parent/chind matching. If foster-children are to find the fact in future eventually, I believe, when it is announced in an early stage, it would act better for the sake of children through efforts of understanding each other.
I picture and believe that foster-parent/child matching is a process of making a "family" by talking each other heart-to-heart or face-to-face....