It was probably at the time that a month or so has passed since we started to live together with Kenta. We dreamed of living together with a child and it should be fun and joyous, but the days with Kenta was rougher than we imagined. Life...everything was spent at Kenta's speed of life. I didn't have room to enjoy...
Two-year old Kenta abnormally hated numbers of food rejecting often my cookings. I became so sad as if I myself was rejected. As he incessantly asked dacco, I had to continue to walk while I kept him in my arms. I was completely all in, therefore, I consulted a registered care-giver at an infant facility(home) asking her to keep him in the custody for 10 days.
While I was relieved of this, I felt guilty of letting him away.....I began to feel like...if he starts hating me or if he can ever let me do dacco (hugging him) again....Anxiety has piled up....After 10 days, I went back there to pick him up. He was in the arms of the registered care-giver. I called...Kenta! stretching my both hands to him, then he quicky pulled his body back. I tried the same once again....then, I hear..."Mom !"....he jumped into my chest and smiled as usual. It was quite a lovable moment for me. It was the very moment I ruminated myself that I am the mother to Kenta with no question, and he desparately needs me....I reconfirmed I really want to be with him for life.
To tell you the truth, since then, there is still time of fatigue coming off and on. But, ever since I began to love seeing his innocent face catching on
me and I feel the warmth of our hands when held together,we never separated each other even a single moment......